Buckle up friends because this is a story you’re not going to find anywhere else – at least not yet – but one you need to see. A lawsuit was just filed in federal court that is about to shock the entire auto industry; the news is still so fresh, however, that the law firm handling the case hasn’t released a statement on it yet. I’ve got some contacts inside that sent me an advanced copy of the upcoming press release, and it’s an absolute doozy.
I’m sharing this with you, my loyal and most excellent readers, so you can amaze your friends and family by telling them you knew about it first.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
LAWSUIT FILED ON BEHALF OF MR. KRIS KRINGLE AGAINST CAR MFRS
Washington, DC, December 1, 2021 – A lawsuit was filed today in Federal Court on behalf of Kristof Kringle against General Motors, Ford, and other members of the auto industry. At this time, the full scope of this action is still being determined and may not be limited to US companies – though the filed suit is in regards to the American “Big Three” and others.
The plaintiff is suing these car manufacturers for copyright infringement based on the unlawful use of his image in various advertising campaigns over the last few decades. According to Mr. Kringle, he has made numerous attempts to contact these companies privately and come to appropriate terms regarding their continued use of his persona in their print, TV, and internet advertising. At this time, no agreements have been made; despite an injunction issued by the Honorable Justice F. Snowman from the Arctic Courts of the North Pole, the defendants continue to use the plaintiff’s image unlawfully.’
This suit has been filed following similar actions that had to be taken against the Coca-Cola company in the past – resulting in numerous agreements under binding arbitration. Representatives for the polar bears currently under contract by Coca-Cola could not be reached prior to this release, but the plaintiff understands they are being treated fairly and provided with ample portions of raw fish as required by the terms of their agreement.
According to papers filed by [redacted] and provided to the courts by the plaintiff, the use of Mr. Kringle’s image in numerous commercials has resulted in not only immeasurable profits for the defendants but also – and more critically – financial losses by the plaintiff. His image and person has been intractably connected to this industry and the specific companies named in this suit, without regard for Mr. Kringle’s reputation and industry. Expectations from his magical, diminutive workforce to provide people with the latest models, tricked out with all of the options, free of charge, and delivered in a single night are beyond impossible.
At this time, we have filed an injunction against continued use of the plaintiff’s image and suggest all further marketing replace his image with a shadowy, horned figure that will steal away naughty boys and girls. This would be better in keeping with the general reputation and tactics of the auto industry. Failing this, substantial fiduciary compensation in the amount of [redacted] would also be acceptable.
Supporters of Mr. Kringle are urged to reach out to the defendants named in this filing and express their support for the plaintiff and desire to see him receive proper compensation and contractual protection. Numerous individuals have signed an online petition to ensure the protection of the image and rights of not only the plaintiff but also similar persons, including Ms. E. Bunny, Mr. J. O’-Lantern, and Mrs. T. Turkey. Additional releases, with further information, will be forthcoming.
As you can see, this filing is huge and suggests a far-reaching enterprise of copyright infringement by the advertising campaigns of numerous major corporations. I have no doubt that this lawsuit won’t need to go very far and that the executives within the auto industry will do the right thing. Certainly, their track records thus far would suggest they will.
Editor’s Note: Our lawyers have gone over the details of this release, and while they have not yet seen the lawsuit filing itself, they believe the plaintiff, in this case, has a strong argument. The precedent is remarkably clear and includes landmark cases such as A. Lincoln v. National Automobile Dealers Association, Lucky O’Keefe v. General Mills, Inc, and T. Fairy v. the American Dental Association. As more information becomes available, we’d like to suggest a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. Thank you.