King of Prussia, PA—It was last Thursday at Worthington Kia, a local Kia dealer, where a sighting of Elvis Presley was reported. While reports of the singer have been plentiful since his untimely passing in 1977, this might be the first time that the King of Rock and Roll was spotted at a car dealership, ironically in a city aptly named King of Prussia. Out-of-work air conditioner salesman Mark Woodrow reported the sighting. It only took a moment for Woodrow to realize he was looking at the now 87-year-old Elvis Aaron Presley.
“It HAD to be him. I could tell from the white jumpsuit and sequined aviator sunglasses that it was the King.” exclaimed Woodrow, who went on to describe how the man once dubbed the “King of Rock and Roll” was now carefully looking over a new Kia Sportage, the innards of his peanut butter and banana sandwich dripping on the concrete beneath him. “I always thought the king loved his Cadillacs,” Woodrow continued, “but if he gave his sign of approval, they might have to park a few Kias at Graceland.” A sentiment shared by the 89 members of the King of Prussia Elvis Presley Appreciation Society, who have since gone and purchased every Kia Sportage within a 10-mile radius to make a pilgrimage to the rock star’s famous mansion next month.
Kia sales have skyrocketed within the past few days, and the recent sighting has much to do with it. While Elvis’ loyal fanbase sees the recent event as a cause to celebrate, some are either skeptical or flat out upset about the conjecture that a rock star who was pronounced dead several decades ago would somehow return from the grave to view the offerings at a Kia dealership. Among the harshest critics of this unexplained phenomena is Cardinal Kevin Whitfield, head of the Pennsylvania Archdiocese.
“This is blasphemous and heretical,” Cardinal Whitfield said in a statement released from the archdiocese yesterday afternoon. “While the possibility of a miracle always exists, our heavenly father would dare not raise someone whose sinful hips incited mass adultery decades ago.” Whitfield also expressed concern that more sightings of Elvis have the potential to turn many away from the Catholic faith. “These alleged sightings have the potential to lead many parishioners to reject Christ entirely, especially with millions of Americans every year attesting to the miraculous resurrection of the sinful King.”
While Whitfield’s remarks are harsh and speak to the puritanical outlook some still hold onto, others are taking a more objective look at the recent events with a slightly different approach. “It’s possible that Elvis faked his own death to live among his fans unnoticed.” Elvis biographer and historian Blake Longmeadow pointed out. “But let us examine all the evidence before we jump to conclusions. Elvis wouldn’t have known about Kia, as they didn’t even get sold in the United States until 1992. And why would the King come back for a Kia? That sounds nothing like him. If he were spotted at a Cadillac dealership, then the recent events would have a more pronounced feeling of authenticity.”
Others are not so sure, especially Kia Sales Representative Jeff Youngblatt, who took some time to speak to us about some of the advantages that Kia has to offer. “Kia has an industry-leading warranty and is among the highest-selling group of automobiles in the country. It’s no surprise that the King of Rock and Roll would give his seal of approval to our brand.” We asked Youngblatt if Kia had any ideas in the foreseeable future to seize the opportunity and use the recent sighting as a marketing opportunity. “Anything is possible, and the sky is the absolute limit!” Youngblatt responded with unbridled enthusiasm. “We have nothing set in stone at the moment, but some of our senior management team have already pitched the idea of moving our corporate headquarters right next door to Graceland. If the King loves his Kias, then we might invest in a Ouija board to establish contact and hire him as an outside consultant.”
We will keep you updated as this unique story continues to unfold.