The Perfect Adult Toy for the South

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Something not usually seen at a Ram truck dealership, neon pink rows of 'XXX' and Ram logo are shown.

It’s a well-known fact in the United States that big trucks are popular. From the tippy-top of Maine to the most southern part of California, trucks are everywhere. However, if you want to find tried and true fans of trucks, you need to visit the South––Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana, to name just a few states big on trucks. Trucks are associated with country life and all that goes with it: farming, rural landscapes, small towns, twangy accents, rednecks, and even good ol’ Garth Brooks. If you live in the South, you have one mission in life: visit your local Ram truck dealership (cause f**k Chevy) and get the biggest/baddest adult toy on the lot.

Now, you can’t just get the truck. If you’re a woman, you must get the yellow or white truck, and you MUST have blonde hair. Brunettes cannot have a truck. It’s a law. If you are short, you need at least a 20-inch lift (as big as you’d like your “tailpipe” to be). We suggest going up to 40 inches if you really want others to have “tailpipe” envy.

‘Murica Or Bust

Foreign auto manufacturers make trucks, are they good? No. We all know the best things come from the U.S., but any good southerner knows that the best trucks are American… ahem… ’Murican made which is why you need Ram trucks.

The American south is very proud of its cultural and historical heritage, and their trucks are often adorned with the paraphernalia to prove it. Trucks from overseas just can’t hack it in the dirt and the mud like a real red-blooded ‘Murican Ram can. Just look at a Toyota Tundra. It cries like a liberal at the sight of the Rebel and American flags sticking out of the bed of a 20-year-old Dodge Ram truck, flowing gently in the breeze as the truck tears through mud puddles and rocky roads. If you’re from the south, you know you can’t go ANYWHERE without showing everyone you ARE ‘Murican.

The American South is very proud of its cultural and historical heritage. Foreign trucks are tolerated because they get the job done, but the real fun gets done with the American touch. Ram is a proud American automaker, producing its vehicles in plants in Michigan and Mexico. In the South, Ram trucks are the only acceptable thing to come over that southern border because they are 100% ‘Murican.

Rams Are More Than Just Trucks; They’re Life

If you thought your “tailpipe” was the only thing you could show off with a Ram truck, you’d be mistaken. Ram trucks give off an energy that most vehicles would die for. With a Ram truck, you mean business. You are tough. You can crush your enemies.

Just think of all the possibilities you’ll have in the South with a Ram truck. Extra storage space for guns in the RamBox Cargo Management system, center console, and even under the seats. When you feel just even the slightest threat from a squirrel that got too close to scratching your new paint job *BANG*, it’s dead cause your gun was at the ready.

Need a Budweiser? A Natty Ice? Or a place for some emergency Jack Daniels? Keep it in that RamBox next to your guns. Even better? Throw some in the center console cause who cares about the law? Southerners don’t let the government tread on them; we tread on the government––just ask the snowflakes at the Capitol. True Southerners know these secret stashes. You should too.

What could you possibly be waiting for? Get out there and be a true ‘Murican with a real 100% ‘Murican built truck! They’re selling faster than you can say “bless your heart” to that damned Yankee visiting your church this Sunday.

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