A running team shirt for a 5k sponsored by a discount tire dealer in Cincinnati

Cincinnati, OH – Sponsored by a number of local businesses including Chad’s Discount Tire Cincinnati has asserted itself as the newest home of the Margarita Madness 5K Run/Walk. Supporting the WorldWide P.U.S.H. (Push Until Success Happens) foundation, the event is intended to raise funds and awareness to support academic achievement and the creation of great scholars, worldwide, through higher education. And while THE LEMON is tempted to criticize any group whose acronymic name includes the word that doubles as the sum of all respective initials, we’ll set aside our elitist mockery of the uninspired.

Let’s talk about drunk people running.

It reminds me of this one time, an uncle (let’s call him “Me”) got ripped on Fireball and challenged his fourteen-year-old high-functioning autistic nephew (let’s call him “Andrew”) to a race assuming that it would be an ‘easy win.’ Needless to say, the ‘Drunkle’ had overestimated his own motor control, and slowly ran a diagonal toward the neighbor’s yard while slowing falling into a somersault. On the other hand, the bragging rights did wonders for his nephew’s oft-struggling issues with confidence and sense of self. But I digress…

The Margarita Madness run is now hosted by nearly 40 cities across the U.S. Since it’s not a timed run )allowing for both walkers and runners) it is just one of a wave of inclusive and communal pay-to-play “fun runs” that have become a staple of our culture. Consider color-runs, foam-runs, to zombie runs, glow-in-the-dark runs…if you haven’t participated in one yourself, at least one person in your social media newsfeed will have. But to pair such an event with alcohol has raised more than a few eyebrows. In fact, approval of the event within Cincinnati was a hard-found battle.

According to Tess Cavendish, Global Director of Margarita Madness 5K, “It’s a great way for the community to bond, lending support and encouragement to one another, recognizing the strength of ourselves and others as we work towards one goal: a better tomorrow for everyone,” adding, “plus, it’s a really great way of making us all feel really good about our desire to drink Margaritas at nine in the morning.”

According to Cavendish, the idea of pairing her chemical addiction with the pursuit of academic excellence stems back to her years at Murdock High School in Winchendon, MA. “My senior year, I can’t remember a day when I wasn’t excusing myself to the ladies room once-or-twice to suck down a nip of booze that I’d probably stolen from a Yankee Swap gift my mom had probably gotten at some extended family Christmas or something. Don’t get me wrong. I loved school, and graduated 14th out of 57 students, but if we can’t combine our loves of education and alcohol then what hope do we truly have as a society? Factor in the emotional bolstering that we get from athletic achievements – and the goodwill received from doing charity – and what wouldn’t we want to get ridiculously tipsy on a Saturday morning, don absorb outfits and run around like a herd of self-mediating ostriches? I mean, it’s for the kids, right?”

If you’re outside of Cincinnati and interested in participating the run, we’ll remind you that you might have a race coming to a city near you and you can find out more by visiting Margarita Madness website. Unfortunately, Cincinnati participants will have to wait another year or so before the next run.

But just think about all the learning going on in meantime…


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