When “DODGE the Father, RAM the Daughter” Goes Horribly Wrong

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Man with Ram tattoo behind steering wheel after accident leaving blood on windshield

Sacramento, CA – If you’re spending any amount of time or resources shopping trucks for sale, several automakers including (but not limited to) Ford, Chevy and GMC are doubling down on their offerings on the heels of a well-publicized tragedy that hits FCA’s RAM lineup a little too close to home.

As most of us know, brand loyalties among truck enthusiasts have created massive ripples in the automotive industry for years. On one hand, the incessant warring has created endless opportunities for spirited debate, clever anti-brand bumper stickers and hilarious online rhetoric. On the other hand, the friendly / not-so-friendly sparring between opposing loyalists has helped to fuel the kind of innovative advances that have brought us here. As of 2019, the ‘Big Three’ (Ford, General Motors and RAM) have been locked in a state of continual one-upmanship, playing their individual strengths while continuing to compete in such areas as weight reduction, technology, power and utility ratings. But we’re not here to talk about actual specs, we’re here to focus on the former.

The unofficial brand tagline “DODGE the Father, RAM the Daughter” has existed as a double-edged sword for quite some time. Intended as casual double entendre, spotlighting the historical links in the evolution of the brand, it has fallen under criticism with many claiming that it incites physical violence against women. Here at THE LEMON, we consider ourselves pretty #woke. Granted, we’re not really sure what #woke means, but there’s no way that we endorse physical violence of any kind. We’re here to report the news damn it.

And in terms of news, few headlines have been bigger than a headline out of Sacramento. Last Saturday, at 23:14 hours SPD responded to a claim of vehicular assault at the corner of Benitez Way and Traverse Street. It was reported that a RAM pickup truck had run down an individual after an altercation had broken out.

The driver of the vehicle was identified as 22-year old Heath Rocheleau, a RAM truck enthusiast with self-esteem issues. According to the neighbor who called in the accident, “It’s easy to identify both the truck and the owner because he’s a regular visitor at our neighbor’s house. That RAM truck of his is nice, plus it has that “DODGE the Father, RAM the Daughter” sticker on the window. He always seemed like a really nice guy and has been dating their daughter for quite some time.”

The daughter is identified as Kirsten Mannion, age 20. Described by neighbors as “a weird moon-faced baboon of a girl, with a forehead big enough to project a movie onto,” Ms. Mannion might have been best known to her 11 social media followers for posting awkwardly-angled selfies that emphasize the fact her beady eyes are reminiscent of when cartoon characters take off their glasses. But Kirsten Mannion was not the victim. As we said earlier, we’re not here to glamorize violence against women.

The victim was Ms. Mannion’s adoptive stepfather, Jack. A well-known alcoholic, Jack Mannion was known to enjoy benders that would leave him out in the streets, often nude, exhibiting fierce mood swings. Last Saturday, however, one of his rants caused him to race out of his home and into the streets, only to be mowed down by Mr. Rocheleau, who had just backed out of the driveway and was pulling away.

In his statement to police, Rocheleau said, “He came out of nowhere. I was still pulling away at a low speed, but he fell so quickly, I just went right over him. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sound of his screams, as I crushed his bones at 11 miles an hour.”

While we shouldn’t comment on the pending charges against Rocheleau, neighbors have been quick to come to his defense. “It’s too bad, really. Jack wasn’t a bad guy, he just drank a little too much. But, if that kid had actually been able to dodge the father and ram the daughter, we might have been saved from those damn selfies of hers. Creepy-ass stuff.”

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