Why the New Kia Sorento Will Shock (or Terrify) You

A woman is screaming at a Kia dealership showing bull horns and electricity.

The all-new 2021 Kia Sorento isn’t your ordinary mid-size SUV. It’s actually the most extraordinary, unusual, possibly strange mid-size crossover to hit the market since the first of its kind was unearthed at an ancient archeological site dating to 1016 AD. What makes the latest Kia Sorento the most daring, frightening car ever made? It could be its illusion of an interior, aggressively overbearing exterior, or daredevil performance. If you’re interested in running your daily commute in the most outrageous Sorento yet, read on to discover what the 2021 model has in store.

The Shocking Interior

The tan interior of a 2021 Kia Sorento with squid tentacles and a captains wheel.

Previous Kia Sorentos weren’t what you expected them to be. While compact enough for everyday driving and easy handling, they’ve also been known for their spacious interiors. But the 2021 Sorento goes further than ever expected. That’s because it’s the roomiest vehicle ever to take to the streets or skies – yes, the roomiest ever.

How does it work? Leave it to Kia’s signature and patent-pending trick mirror system, panels of rotating mirrors that can fool every single driver or passenger around the vehicle body at once. This fascinating, robotic, solar-powered mirror system reflects light in an exacting position to actually make the entire vehicle look several cubic meters smaller than it is. So while your new Sorento may look like your average mid-size crossover, it actually has the dimensions of the average double-decker bus.

What can you expect from the 2021 Sorento’s interior? It all begins when you open the front driver-side door and step into the 10×10-ft driver’s foyer. Listen to your heels clack on the marble flooring as you approach the captain’s chair – an elegant throne based on historic sea captains’ quarters. Don’t forget to pick up a signature infused water from the front desk on your way to your seat. A nautical interior includes elegant, custom artwork – variable depending on your selected trim package – and a ceiling light show with a fascinating underwater vista.

Take a seat in your hand-carved wooden chair softened with a velvet cushion and grip the steering wheel to take control of your Sorento. Next, check the rear-view mirror and look out at your passengers. They’re occupying the mezzanine behind you, awaiting the performance of a lifetime as you pull the curtain and unveil an unbelievable, sky-high windshield. Turn on the ignition and give them a show to remember. Just remind them to buckle up.

More Storage Space Than Ever Thought Possible

Don’t forget the storage space. Whether you’re taking home a weekly supply of groceries or relocating, the 2021 Kia Sorento provides the storage potential you never dreamed of, nor wanted. With a preposterous 180,220.01 cubic feet of interior storage space, the 2021 Sorento has enough room for you to load up the contents of your average, 380-story skyscraper.

The trunk of a 2021 Kia Sorento is being opened with a black hole inside it.

And definitely don’t forget to look under the back row of seats. There’s an extra 2 cubic feet of storage hidden under there. All 82 rows of fold-flat seats are yours to control at the push of a button or pull of a lever from your captain’s seat, so storage is even more ample and adjustable than you could possibly need. Take your entire extended family on a road trip, load up your favorite local museum, or just hit the open road alone. The sky’s the limit – almost literally – when you drive the new Sorento.

The Terrifying Exterior

This isn’t a soccer mom’s minivan. The 2021 Kia Sorento is actually a departure from Kia’s previous design aesthetic, abandoning casual urban styling for something yet-unheard-of. The latest Sorento is actually designed to be the most terrifying-looking vehicle inside or outside of a monster truck rally.

Even better, you don’t have to deactivate the mirror system on your new Sorento to unleash the fear. The entire design is chiseled, rugged, sharp, pointy, and jagged all over. Don’t set your purse on the roof of this car; you’ll be left with a threadbare sack.

The latest Sorento has an aggressively sharp-edged silhouette, a coat of paint laced with broken glass, a grill with functional teeth, and headlights that protrude 6-8 feet from the front bumper – depending on your trim package. And with paint color options like blood red, bone white, abandoned basement black, and green, this may be the most intimidating vehicle to hit the road since the horse-drawn carriage. And don’t forget the available trim packages with upgrades like steel bull horns astride each side mirror and speakers that spew electricity.

Whether you’re an edgy tattoo artist, a teenager in search of an identity, or a mid-level manager, the 2021 Sorento is the tough, no-nonsense vehicle to suit your personal vibe. Are you tired of being the butt of the joke or forgotten altogether? No one could possibly ignore, nor disrespect, someone behind the wheel of the frightening Sorento. It’s easy to see why Kia’s codename for this vehicle during development was “The Angel of Death.”

Unnerving Fuel Economy

Even more unusual about the Kia Sorento is its fuel economy, which is so improbable that it may not be true. Topping out a 280 nautical miles per gallon (on the highway), the 2021 Sorento is the most economical car yet. Seriously, we at The Lemon have done our darndest to empty the tank, and it just won’t happen. Even walking burns more gasoline and releases more emissions.

But that’s not the worst of it. Turn on Eco driving mode in the hybrid model for a devastating 1,000 miles per gallon (highway). Your Sorento will be so economical that you may begin to miss your local gas station terribly. Gone will be the days of touching sticky, wet gasoline pump handles and stepping on black gum. In fact, the Sorento is so economical that the world’s largest oil and gas companies have Kia in their crosshairs.

And Kia may have even more up its sleeves. This follows rumors from Polish spies that Kia is working on engineering entirely wind-powered vehicles. However, surveillance footage showed some concerns during Kia’s test runs. It seems that, while in motion, wind-powered Kia vehicles are capable of reaching top speeds of over 150 mph. However, without a favorable gust of wind, a parked Sorento won’t even reach 1 to 2 mph. So don’t expect a wind-powered Sorento until at least 2045 – based on our estimations. In the meantime, enjoy the latest and greatest Sorento with unmatched fuel economy.

Athletic Performance

Sports performance takes on new meaning with the all-new 2021 Sorento. Sure, Kia has been known for years for its balance of safety, fuel economy, and driving performance. But now the Sorento is capable of driving tricks and skills you never thought physically possible.

It all starts with its flexible but tough axles that allow for extreme performance potential. And for how tough and hardy the exterior may look, the Sorento’s pliable body structure makes this the Mobius strip of mid-size SUVs. So what does all of this mean? The Sorento can make some serious daredevil moves, including wheelies, 360-degree jumps, dolphin flips, and skateboard-style toe flips.

Take your Sorento out to the local skate park and impress your friends with extreme sports moves even parkour enthusiasts would envy. Or, better yet, find your nearest national park and put your Sorento to the test climbing the most rugged terrain you can find. Shift into off-road driving mode and enjoy vertical uphill drives. Reach the summit, plant your flag, give your Sorento a pat on the back, and look out at the glorious views. When you own a 2021 Sorento, no one can deny that you’re a superstar.

Shop for the Latest and Greatest from Kia

A white 2021 Kia Sorento has bull horns mounted on the hood driving over flames.

So if you want the most unusual, strange, threatening, lavish, and athletic vehicle ever, shop for the brand-new 2021 Kia Sorento. Sure, it’s a departure from the average, dull vehicle, but there’s a chance this car could be everything you’ve ever wanted and needed. Search within yourself and consider what you’re missing.

Do you wish that you could incite terror as you take to the streets? Have you needed the storage potential of a commercial jet but don’t have the millions to spare? There are hordes of vehicles to choose from, but only one is considered the most head-turning crossover SUV worldwide: the 2021 Kia Sorento. Test drive one today and discover the truly life-fulfilling joy of finally getting attention.


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