Chevy Silverado 3500HD

How much truck is “too much truck”? At the end of the day, it usually comes down to how you intend to use the truck on a regular basis. Perhaps you require a substantial payload capacity for hauling purposes, or confidence in towing of oversized trailers. In these cases, it just makes good sense to opt for an oversized heavy-duty truck. The same applies to commercial applications, where such capabilities are a simple requirement. But what about the “Average Joe” American who simply enjoys the versatility a truck has to offer? How much truck is “too much” when it’s used for little more than household convenience? Since he’s expressed interest in a 2018 Chevy Silverado 3500HD, maybe we should ask your Dad.

For most of your life, your Dad has existed as the Gold Standard of masculinity, helping to inform your personal definition of what a man is. He provided for you, showing resolute strength and resolve under pressure. But now that you’ve reached adulthood, you’re getting to know your Dad as a man, and as a human being. More than just your father, you’ve grown to appreciate his faults and foibles. And while these very human shortcomings do nothing to diminish your love and admiration for him, they’re starting to increase in both frequency and severity.

For example, why hasn’t he outgrown his early 2000’s love of both Creed and Nickelback? I mean, sure, in 2003 his obsession with shitty music was laughable, but it was easy to overlook since both bands scored regular radio airplay at that point. But by 2007, no-one had their ‘arms wide open’ for Scott Stapp’s douchey pseudo-Christianity; and soon afterward, mockery of Nickelback’s pretentiousness had fueled some of the early great entries into internet meme culture. But here we are in 2018, and your dad still wells up over Creed’s (allegedly) introspective views on parenting and cranks Nickelback while ingesting the little blue pill that’s going to help him take your mom to pound-town once every 3-6 months.

But that’s not all. He always talked about wanting to go to Alaska, but now settles for watching any one of a thousand scripted reality shows with “Alaska” in the title. There he is, sitting in his underwear on the coach, talking about living off the grid, blissfully ignorant of just how far he’s fallen down the rabbit-hole of complacency.

He’s the first to react to your Facebook posts, even if he doesn’t understand what they’re about. And suddenly you realize, from his posts, that the man who raised you to be open-minded might be a little bit racist (and, looking back, probably always was). He drinks light beer (but never more than two) and exists in constant fear of being bitched at by your mom (who’s stressed because she only gets taken to pound-town once every 3-6 months).


Is the 3500HD too much truck for your dad? Probably.

Sure, he’s been mentioning building a deck in the back of the house, and needs to update the bathroom, but he’ll probably just hire somebody to do both (or at least fix whatever mistakes he makes in the process of trying). And after his second beer, he usually mentions a desire to get a camper, or a boat, ATV’s or something else that will need to be towed…but you know he won’t.

At the end of the day, don’t judge your Dad for buying more truck than he needs. At one point he cleaned your ass, wiped your snotty nose and dried your tears. And with that in mind, we should stop thinking of it as “more truck than he needs” and start thinking of it as “the amount of truck that he wants”. And if your mom gives him shit, remind her that letting him have the truck will probably get her some old-school deep-dicking.


Bow chicka wah wahhhhh…


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here