NASHUA, NH – You may have seen him playing Nathan Detroit in the Nashua Community Player’s (NCP) production of Guys and Dolls. Perhaps you saw him singing his heart out as the Tin Man in Wizard of Oz. If you were really lucky, you caught him as a Moving Tree in Into the Woods. Unfortunately, the next time you’re going to see Roland Fitzgerald is BEHIND BARS!
The popular local community-theatre actor was recently charged by the Nashua Police Department for his role in a newsworthy cheating scandal. The indictment claims that Fitzgerald paid $150 to get his son, Franklin Fitzgerald, into a prestigious driving school: Nashua Private Driving School.
Specifically, the elder Fitzgerald paid money to get his son into the fast-tracked “advanced course.” This would have allowed the younger Fitzgerald to be eligible for his license in two weeks time. This was especially important to the father, who was trying to convince his son that he was better opting for a used vehicle (Franklin was debating between the 2019 Chevy Silverado vs 2019 Ram 1500). The shorter class-time meant that the younger Fitzgerald surely wouldn’t have enough time to choose between new cars or trucks.
Fitzgerald had reportedly had issues being accepted into private driving schools, and the 15-year-old refused to join a public class. In an attempt to appease his son and better prepare for his audition for NCP’s The Little Mermaid, the 45-year-old Fitzgerald attempted to pay off a receptionist to forge his child’s school records.
While it ordinarily doesn’t take much to get accepted to Nashua Private Driving School, the younger Fitzgerald was neither successful in academics, active in extracurriculars, nor very intriguing across the board. When asked by The Lemon if he did anything well, Franklin told us that he makes a “mean plate of nachos.”
Fitzgerald surrendered to authorities earlier this month, but this move didn’t come without fanfare. As he emerged from his modest two-family home, the amateur actor/full-time bartender at “Sully’s Bar and Grill” was singing “Who Am I” from Les Miserables.
The Lemon was briefly able to catch up with Fitzgerald before he was taken away to the station.
“The only crime I’ve committed is loving my son too much,” Fitzgerald said with much gusto. “The only crime I’ve committed it caring, sympathizing, being an all-around-great parent. Is that so wrong?”
Fitzgerald’s crime may not end up matching the punishment. If Fitzgerald is ultimately charged, he’ll be facing up to 30 years in prison and/or a $100,000 fine.
Reactions to Fitzgerald’s crime are mixed. Sargent Dan Ditka told The Lemon that Fitzgerald is too delusional to recognize what he’s done wrong.
“Furthermore, why do you care so much about your kid getting his license?” Ditka said. “If I was going to do something like this, it’d be paying and cheating to get my child into college. I don’t know why he cares so much about driving school.”
Others were more worried about how Fitzgerald’s arrest would impact their personal agendas.
“I don’t know how we’re going to find a Prince Eric now,” said Brett Grimard, the director of NCP’s The Little Mermaid. “Not that I pre-cast our shows or anything… we just have few male actors who can convincingly play a straight male.”
For what it’s worth, neither the older nor younger Fitzgerald seem overly alarmed about their predicaments.
“I heard they put on some of the best shows in prison,” the older Fitzgerald said to The Lemon. “I doubt they have anyone who can sing, act, and dance like I can. I’m going to be fucking Hugh Jackman up in that bitch.”
The younger Fitzgerald echoed his dad’s optimism, although he was a bit pessimistic about having to share a home with Roland’s girlfriend, Debra.
“Yea, Debra’s a bitch,” he said. “But whatever. She’s, like, working all day anyway. That just means I can play video games on the big TV.”