5 Predictions About the Chevy Blazer EV
Although there’s a fair amount of excitement about the 2023 Chevy Blazer, which is getting a nice update and refresh, I don’t care about that. Sure the restyled grille and front fascia look nice, and there are new colors available, but what I’m more interested in is the upcoming Chevy Blazer EV. Chevy’s been talking a big game about...
Great Ways to Save Money on Gas
As we navigate numerous worldwide crises and attempt to simply survive the daily nightmare that is modern existence, we’ve had the pleasure of recently enjoying all-time high prices for gas. Despite the fact that oil companies pretty much couldn’t give away gas only two years ago, even slight changes to the world economy and market were clear justification for...
Ford and Chevy Battle for Supremacy
For decades now, the big truck manufacturers have been fighting each other in an ever-growing arms race for top numbers. It only takes a quick look at advertising from Ford, GM, and Ram to see they’ve been battling with towing and payload capacities, horsepower, and torque. When you look at models like the 2022 Ford F-150 vs the 2022...
Nissan Introduces New Inflation-Proof Model
With inflation hitting an almost 40-year high, a dollar isn't quite worth what it used to be. The effects of this unfortunate economic reality have been felt in every sector of the economy, but perhaps nowhere more than in the automotive market. This inflation, combined with a chronic shortage of the microchips used in countless consumer goods, has seen...
Lax Olympic Rules Open Up Competition to Trucks, SUVs, Tanks
International athletic competitions could soon become unrecognizable as a controversial decision from the recent Winter Olympic games threatens to establish a new precedent in terms of who––and what––can compete at sport’s highest level. As the International Olympic Committee proves its willingness to toss aside established rules on even the flimsiest of pretenses, some competing countries are beginning to wonder...
Robot Sell Your Car
Editor’s Note: The following note was provided by the author with this article: “I’m sick of these assignments you keep sending me so I wrote a simple AI program to handle it for me. Enjoy the algorithm suckers!” We would like to preface the following by assuring our readers that we have not assigned this author any articles in...
Tires Deemed Useless
I write this to you sitting on a stack of fourteen tires. I’ve stocked up, and you should too. Seriously, now is the time. Tire stores are doing everything they can to get rid of inventory as all brands convert to tireless models. You, like myself, may have idiotically thought that tires were an important component of a vehicle....
New Algorithm Mines Data to Find Perfect Car
Suffolk, VA - Your personal data has become the backbone of the new economy. Somehow a generation raised with the specter of stranger danger has built a system where accepting cookies from faceless corporations is a part of everyday life. While moderately less likely to result in kidnapping, these sort of data-mining endeavors give big businesses an unprecedented look...
NJ EV Owner Shocked by High Electricity Payments
Freehold, New Jersey - A Freehold resident has launched a complaint in court against his local New Jersey electric car dealership. Ed Wannabe, aged 53 and three-quarters, claims that he now pays higher electricity bills than his neighbors, all of whom drive normal, gas-guzzling, climate-destroying, baby seal clubbing … cars.
Wannabe, who purchased his EV last month, expected he’d be...
Pickup Drivers to Form Blockade Until They’re Praised
Inspired by the recent demonstrations in Ottawa, a group of 2022 Ford F-150 owners have vowed to occupy a local intersection until their demands are met. While the Canadian protest was focused on big-rig truckers who refused to comply with the government's vaccine mandate, the pickup protest has comparatively modest aims: they simply want people to recognize how cool...
Buick Stays Woke With New Ad Campaign
In many ways, the auto industry is like a rugged old tortoise: dependable, stoic, and slowly plodding toward an inevitable expiration date that’s likely to occur sometime just before the heat-death of the universe. It is upon this noble tortoise that I hang my hat and so I’m relieved to see it stumble forward, day after day, reinventing itself...
An Off-Road Shit Show: The Underdog Story of Rope, Redemption, and Shitting in the Woods
You know, people talk a lot of shit about Subarus, but whatever happened to the old “walk a mile in their shoes” adage? I mean, sure you might have to walk a mile to your Certified Pre-Owned Subaru dealership when your Subaru needs service…but that’s really beside the point, now isn’t it? Besides, how else will you get your...
We’re Directing a Jeep Commercial in a Real Lion’s Den
Aren’t you tired of the same old car commercials that simply show a vehicle making sharp turns and maybe climbing some sandy hills? Who cares if a car can do that? BOOOOO-RING! I just picked up a beauty from my NJ Jeep Wrangler dealer and will show the world what it’s really capable of.
I was nominated five times as...
Teenage Car Keeps Throwing up Inappropriate Error Codes
Albany, NY - Technicians at one local Albany used car dealership are stumped as a rare electronic issue continues to plague a recently sold vehicle. Greg Russo bought his used 2009 Chevy Malibu from Larsson’s Used Cars early last year and, by all reports, had been satisfied with the midsize sedan until recently. The trouble started when the Malibu’s...
Chevy & Chill: Automaker Enters Streaming World
Allentown, Pennsylvania - Eager to not get left behind in the growing in-vehicle infotainment wars, Chevy recently announced a new venture that will bring exclusive streaming content to all its products. The new service is currently limited to a pilot program at one Chevy dealer in Allentown, Pennsylvania, but if all goes well, it could be included on all...
Chevy Reignites Its Passion for EV Design
There’s no denying that Chevy is a legend in the auto industry. They’ve been around for more than 100 years, blazing a trail for every other manufacturer to try to follow, and this fiery past has paved the way for a bright, red-hot future. With the Chevy Bolt EV, they started their way toward a shift to an all-electric...
Sales Promotion Might Just Be Manager Coming Out As A Furry
One local dealership is having trouble retaining employees as an unusually enthusiastic promotion causes unrest on the sales floor. It started several months ago when Troy Davies, sales manager at Certified Pre-Owned Ford F-150 dealer, Dave’s Discount Auto, took it upon himself to decorate the lot for the busy holiday season. The decorations included the yuletide standards: garland, lights,...
NFL Players Demand Reinstatement MVP Award Truck
There are few careers more demanding than being a player in the NFL. Years of practice, countless hours in the weight room, finding a personal chef who won't air your dirty laundry when you neglect to pay him; it can be a lot on top of the weekly grind of actually playing football. That's why NFL players are now...
Rash of Catalytic Converter Thefts Leads To Creative Solutions
A recent rash of auto part thefts has rattled the Louisville area, threatening to further derail an industry that’s been hard hit by dwindling stock and parts shortages. Thieves have been targeting catalytic converters — the exhaust emissions control device which prevents vehicles from releasing toxic gasses into the air— removing them from the vehicle’s undercarriage while they’re parked....
Confused Local Man Worried About Chip Shortage
A local man is up in arms after grossly misunderstanding a recent newspaper article. When Mark Osbourne, a 34-year-old Razor scooter instructor from Peyton, picked up his local newspaper last week, he was struck by what he calls the publication's alarmist tone. A front-page article interviewing Jeep dealers in Colorado Springs about the worldwide chip shortage seemed a bit...
