Ohtani Announces NASCAR Debut
Los Angeles Angels breakout star Shohei Ohtani apparently isn’t content with being one of the most versatile, dynamic players the sport has seen since Babe Ruth. In a press conference held last Thursday at an Illinois pre-owned Toyota dealership, the league-leading pitcher and power hitter announced his intentions to begin training with Joe Gibbs Racing for the upcoming NASCAR...
The Chevy Equinox is Better than Ever!
If you’ve seen the 2022 Chevy Equinox, then you probably already know about a lot of the updated features on it. While this isn’t a new generation for Chevy’s oh-so-popular small SUV, they’ve given it a bit of a refresh this year with a wide range of new options and features. You know me, so you know I’m excited...
The Chevy Bolt Ev Is Going to Kill Us All
Friends, I’m here today with urgent news that will absolutely save your life and the lives of all of the people you love and care about. If you don’t read this article today, right now, you are literally killing everyone you’ve ever known through dangerous ignorance. If you’re like me, you’ve been watching the news and seeing these horrifying...
Tire Thefts Continue As Rogue Pit Crews Remain At Large
Drivers across Cincinnati are being asked to remain vigilant as a rash of tire thefts continues to sweep the city. While the crime spree has been a boon for local Cincinnati tire shops, the epidemic is wearing thin with motorists who are waking to find their vehicles stripped of all four tires and rims. Meanwhile, authorities investigating the thefts...
A Reasonable Comparison of Different Trucks
Now that the obligatory month of performative allyship is over, I can finally get back to writing about what’s truly important to me: just how gay is your truck? If you’re anything like me, before you head to your favorite used Ram truck dealership, you’re going to want to really think about which truck matches the gay values that...
New Breed of Cyberattack Involuntarily Serenades Drivers With Five Finger Death Punch
Jeanie Robertson was running errands when it happened. Despite being an attentive driver, Robertson was blindsided by the incident. She’d heard of an increasing number of such tragedies on roadways across the U.S., but she never thought it would happen to her. Jeanie was just bumping some tunes through her 2021 Chevy Spark’s Apple CarPlay system when her stereo...
Tesla Unveils New Model S-NL To Commemorate Musk’s Hosting Gig
Fresh off the heels of CEO Elon Musk’s appearance on Saturday Night Live, Tesla recently unveiled a new model of their popular electric vehicle aimed at commemorating the occasion. The Tesla Model S-NL includes a number of exclusive features, which will allow drivers to relive some of the lowest moments in American comedy history every time they get behind...
Man Finds $30k, Buys the Finest Used Car He Can Afford
Writing about the auto industry can be a tough gig; not because the work is difficult (it’s just cars), but because the stories and events I investigate and report on can be rough subjects. Things like Ford showing their support for social justice while also getting big law enforcement contracts for their Interceptor models; or how General Motors paid...
Breaking News: Vince Neil is Fat, Your Engine Doesn’t Purr Like a Kitten, and We Don’t Care
Brace yourself; it’s going to be a very long and hot summer. It’s the days when temperatures either hot or are damn close to triple digits, you’re drowning in your own sweat, you’re tired from lack of sleep due to the heat, and you just saw another stupid article about the cicadas. This time, it was an article about...
Five Things You Don’t Know about the Ultium Battery
Many people have hailed GM’s new Ultium battery and platform as a technological marvel that will pave the way for them to take over the EV market. I don’t know if all that’s true, per se, but it’s certainly an impressive step forward for GM and their various brands. The little that we’re already seeing of it in development...
Introducing the All-New Kia Forte XX
Picture this: you get into your car, which is an aggressive shade of dark blue, struggle to get hold of the steering wheel due to your heavy, feminine breasts, and realize that your hips just won’t fit into a standard car seat. Sound familiar, ladies? I know you’re all shaking your head “yes,” so I’ve got good news. Head...
The Perfect Adult Toy for the South
It’s a well-known fact in the United States that big trucks are popular. From the tippy-top of Maine to the most southern part of California, trucks are everywhere. However, if you want to find tried and true fans of trucks, you need to visit the South––Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana, to name just a few states big on trucks....
Top 4 Reasons People Drive the Chevy Equinox
Don’t listen to what anyone else tells you – shopping for a used car is easy. All you do is head to your favorite used car lot, tell them what you want to drive, what you’re willing to pay, and watch them grovel to meet your needs. “Yes, sir, Mr. Von Gourdboddum,” they’ll say as they do everything they...
New Olympics Editions Silverado 3500 HD Aims to Keep Team USA Safe
The United States Olympic Committee has announced a creative new way to address concerns around the viral transmission of Covid-19 at this summer’s Tokyo Olympics. Ignoring calls to boycott the games altogether, the USOC is partnering with a local Chevy Silverado HD dealer to ensure that U.S. athletes can go for the gold on the world’s biggest stage without...
2021 Chevy Equinox, Toyota RAV4 Announce Runs for Governor
As we’ve learned all too well recently, name recognition and celebrity are increasingly standing in for experience and expertise when it comes to electing our public servants. While one bright orange example comes to mind, the trend has shown no signs of slowing down since the last election cycle, with celebrities such as Matthew McConaughey, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,...
Recount Underway as Arizona Pontiac Supporters Decry Rigged Election
A vocal minority of car enthusiasts in Arizona are up in arms over the results of the 2021 North American Car of the Year award and are now feverishly seeking to undo the results with a recount of the state's votes. The 2021 Hyundai Elantra was the clear winner of the annual honor, bestowed by the North American Car,...
‘Wine’ Added to ‘O’Clock’ in Historic Town Vote and Moms Everywhere Finally Have Hope
Sally McCreary can still hardly believe it. After years of hiding her afternoon “Mom Juice” in a Yeti rambler, she feels redeemed. “We finally feel heard. It’s a brave first step toward recognizing wine as the most important arrow in our parenting quivers.” These moms know that choosing between the 2021 Ford Explorer vs 2021 Kia Telluride doesn’t involve...
Chevy and Dead Hookers: A Match Made in Heaven
Friends, if you know nothing else about me, then you should know this: I care deeply about the world around us. I care about the environment, about the political landscape of this country, and the kind of challenges that we face as a society. And I care, very much, about the auto industry and just how well vehicles like...
The 2021 GMC Sierra 1500 And 2021 Nissan Titan: Full-size Trucks Or Gold Mines?
Two leading car manufacturers have their vision set firmly on the future with the recent announcement of an intriguing new feature. Earlier this month, GMC and Nissan both announced their forthcoming 2021 Sierra 1500 and 2021 Titan models will feature built-in Bitcoin-mining, allowing drivers to capitalize on the lucrative cryptocurrency market. The announcement comes as Bitcoin hits an all-time...
No, Your POS Ford Fusion Isn’t a Luxury Car
We all know somebody who has a misguided view of how things work in this world. For example, wearing a Brunello Cucinelli suit from Neiman Marcus does not make you any more special than the dude wearing a suit from the clearance rack at JCPenny. It’s these very same people who somehow think that they own a luxury car...
