Chrysler Introduce New Gender Reveal Edition Pacifica
Bringing a child into the world can spur a lot of changes in a person’s life. Gone are late nights, freedom, and the absence of stickiness, as well as your waistline and that sporty two-door coupe you’ve been cruising around in. The shift to a more practical vehicle is an inevitable part of parenthood, and while you might now...
Joe Biden Is Why You Can’t Buy a Ford Edge
Have you gone to a Ford dealership recently? Have you tried to buy the 2021 Ford Edge only to discover that it’s not available right now? (No, you were able to get one? Liar!) Well, there’s a good reason for that: a microchip shortage, which was caused by a secret alliance between neo-feudalist cannibal Bill Gates and Joe Biden,...
Ford Announces: All-New Lincoln Lucifer SUV
Recently, rapper and online “personality” Lil Nas X made headlines with his limited run of “Satan Sneakers,” which were seemingly designed by a 15-year old that had just left Hot Topic and was asked what kind of shoes would match his black fingernail polish. Not to be outdone, Ford has announced that they are currently working on an all-new...
Minimum Wage Proposal Has Pennsylvania Used Car Dealers Prepping for Sales Boom
Renewed discussion in Harrisburg about a minimum wage hike has many Pennsylvania used car dealerships licking their chops in anticipation of a potential car-buying boom. The state’s current minimum wage, which has held at $7.25 for the last 12 years, is among the lowest in the nation. The federal minimum wage is also currently set at $7.25, meaning that...
The Days of the Granny-Mobile Are Dead Thanks To Buick Stereotypes
Cancel culture and political correctness are everywhere, and it has now crept into the auto industry. The latest victim of cancel culture is the Jeep Cherokee, which has recently come under fire for using a Native American tribe name for over 50 years. It’s a valid argument, sports teams and corporations have been dropping logos and names depicting first...
Amazon Launches New Online Car Shopping Website for Employees
Eager to advance the news cycle after a recent disastrous attempt at a social media “clap back,” online retail giant Amazon is launching a new online car shopping website for its employees.
The $1.7 trillion e-commerce giant has been in the automotive game since 2016 when it launched Amazon Vehicles as a resource for prospective buyers, but the new website...
Covington Ram Dealer: Development Hero
Friends, my time in the auto industry has taught me quite a few things; perhaps most important among them, however, is that a good dealership (if such a thing exists) is one with real roots in the community. I’ve seen no few auto lots that grind through cars like fine hamburger and do everything possible to make a sale...
Chrysler Dealer Introduces Innovative Vaccine Initiative
There was once a time when people would talk to their doctor, listen to their advice based on expertise and years of practice, and know that they were receiving the best care possible. Fortunately, such a vapid, milquetoast era is well behind us, and we now know that every piece of scientific information and basic healthcare advice should be...
2021 Chevy Trax vs 2021 Honda HR-V – Subcompact SUVs create identity crisis for vehicles themselves
Who am I? Why am I here? These are questions we all struggle with from time to time. This type of philosophical introspection has been particularly widespread during COVID, with disruptions to our regular schedule causing many of us to step back and reexamine our very sense of self. While this egotistical navel-gazing might seem like a problem unique...
Ram Trucks Caves to Campaign to #ReleaseTheRamLease With New Terms
Taking a page from the Warner Brothers playbook, Ram recently announced plans to offer a more expansive slate of Ram lease programs for those eager to get behind the wheel of a new vehicle. Executives say the revamp was inspired by the recent success of the four-plus hour Snyder Cut of the Justice League, which was released in March...
Auto Execs Feeling Twitterpated
Once upon a time, really-super-smart people would say really-super-smart things, and only their close family, friends, and coworkers got to hear it. Now, however, we live in an exciting timeline where social media allows millions of people to be privy to every single thought from every single person. Some have called this the death of civility and the ultimate...
2022 Chevy Bolt EUV: Apathy, thy name is Chevy
A new electric vehicle from Chevy seems to be about as desired as a pudding-y fart in an overcrowded city bus…but here we are. Do you like driving a car with all the sex appeal of a soggy cardboard box half-filled with expired pancake batter? Do you love the thrill of the hunt as you try and...
Auto Industry Ready for Emissions Challenges
One of the major issues that the auto industry has been dealing with for the past few decades is meeting emissions standards as they’re updated and become stricter. Just last month, more than 80 members of Congress sent letters to the Biden administration asking it to reinstate the 2025 emissions goals that had been set by President...
Amidst Chip Shortage, Auto Industry Looks for Radical Solutions
My frequent readers will know that I have three skills: eloquence and a knack for crafting exquisite sentences, the ability to restate the obvious in a way that makes it seem like my original thought, and a resolution that allows me to remain calm in a crisis. And yet, my resolve is being tested by one of...
What Your Jeep Says About You (and Other Models)
Anyone who has ever owned a Jeep or knows somebody who owns a Jeep is probably familiar with the super-annoying secret wave they give each other as they pass while cruising down the road. The secret Jeep wave is a code between Jeep owners that began many years ago and is an unspoken gesture of camaraderie and...
Crossovers for Karens: Terrain vs CR-V
Crossovers, especially small crossovers, are the ideal method of transportation for the Karen on the go. They are simple and easy to drive, full of driver aids to keep even the most ardent Karens from injuring themselves or others, and have huge amounts of interior room for all the items Karens return to the store without a...
Honda Catches Up to 2018
Some people might say that the 2022 Honda Odyssey is out of touch, that it’s an unnecessary vehicle in the modern market. Others would argue that updating and supporting a minivan in a world overrun by SUVs is a fool’s errand or that it demonstrates how Honda seemingly has little understanding of what customers in 2021 are...
Women Don’t Care About Your Truck (and Other Painful Truths)
Friends, and I use that word generously, it has come to my attention that there are a number of misunderstandings that circulate throughout the “Free World.” Among the most common of them is this: large tires on a truck convey a clear message to women that you are endowed with extraordinary girth. But listen to me now:...
Exclusive Interview: Honda Salesman Mark Bobkins Discusses the 2021 Civic
It’s a cold, rainy evening in Georgia, and the fog is rolling across the hills, containing secrets in its folds. As the fog parts down on the street, a figure appears out of the darkness. One can only describe him as a car salesman––his blazer, patterned tie, and comb-over hair whipping in the wind. He says he...
Mars Rover Sorely Lacking Flair, Complain Gearheads
Traveling over 300 million miles in six months and landing with pinpoint accuracy, NASA’s Mars rover Perseverance is a marvel of modern engineering. Still, the $2.2 billion dollar vehicle hasn’t impressed everyone.
“It’s alright, I guess,” says local gearhead Tony Warner. “It could really use a racing stripe or something, though.”
