Title: Ford Partnership With The WHO On Vaccine Transportation Leaves Some Americans Dumbfounded
There has been a bit of Twitter drama since the WHO (World Health Organization) announced its partnership with automotive manufacturer Ford in an attempt to widely distribute COVID-19 vaccines across the United States. The new 2021 commercial vehicles in Ford’s lineup will come with refrigerated semi-trailers, which will make it easier to transport these vaccines, as they must be...
If the 2021 Honda Civic Were President
We all know that if you're foreign-born you can't be President of the United States. So that kind of ruins the premise of an introspective piece like this, but let's just pretend for a second that the first section of Article Two of the U.S. Constitution was amended to allow foreign-made objects to become President. With that said, what...
The Best off-Roader in the Universe Is Not a Bronco or a Jeep
Hello, fellow mud-heads! Boy, have I got exciting news for you. I was planning to break down a 2021 Ford Bronco Sport vs 2021 Jeep Renegade battle royale for the crown of the ultimate off-roader when 343 Industries announced the upcoming release of the 2021 UNSC Warthog! If you even want to think about off-roading in 2021 and beyond,...
Everything You Need to Know About the 2021 Stinger
There’s an unseen underbelly of Kia Motors Corp., the South Korean automobile company known for its reliable, attractive, and, most of all, safe vehicles. But how safe are we when we step into a Kia? The company has recently unveiled the 2021 Kia Stinger, and frankly, we were surprised at what we found.
Unveiling the 2021 Stinger
Just ask a salesperson...
Classic Futuristic Sci-Fi Movies Lament Not Featuring 2021 Chevy Blazer
The 2021 Chevy Blazer wasn't out back when classic sci-fi movies were making waves throughout the 1980s, 1990s, and early aughts. Because of this, many of these classic films now have the creators lamenting about not having access to the newest Blazer to feature in said films. Especially since its sleek design and angular lines would have made it...
The Chevy Trax and Buick Encore are Definitely Not the Same
Dear readers, I’m known for three things: the vague scent of ham that follows me everywhere, my love for soup served piping hot in an old Aztec bowl carved from a human skull, and my unparalleled knack for investigative journalism. It’s this third thing that has led me down a dark and twisted road. For some time now, people...
Chevy Unveils New Paint Colors
The year is almost over, even though it feels like we are only on the 267th day of March. While the entire world has been shut down, except for Florida, that hasn’t stopped major events from happening. Although the entire year of 2020 has been one giant train wreck, the folks over at Chevrolet spent their time working from...
Why Are You so Stupid?
Now, before you email me a lengthy analysis of your own stupidity, answering this question in great detail and with numerous charts and graphs, let me say this: I’m asking it rhetorically. That is to say, as a rhetorical device to get your attention and make you start reading. I don’t actually care why you’re so stupid – we’ve...
Have You Driven a Ford Lately?
There are things beyond our understanding in this universe. Quantum mechanics, the name of the girl sitting beneath the mountains, and the Ford Motor Company. It doesn’t matter to me whether you’re looking for a Ford dealership near you, you’re just interested in our reality, or you clicked this link by mistake while looking for pornography, today you’re going...
The Ford Bronco, Bronco Sport, and Flavored Gelatin
If you’re one of my loyal readers (and you better be!), then you already know by now that I’m passionate about only a few things: socks, making my own sausage, and the gelatin capacity of American-made SUVs. While a lot of other people are looking at the 2021 Ford Bronco vs 2021 Ford Bronco Sport with an eye toward...
Jeep Compass to be Outfitted with All-New Riot-Avoidance Technology
Driver-assist technologies are all the rage among carmakers these days. With tons of great features like lane departure warning and blind-spot monitoring, driving a used Jeep Compass from a recent model year, or any other newer vehicle for that matter, has never been safer. And parking a car is easier than ever too, with many models coming equipped with...
Ford Recalls are Worse Than We Feared
Recently, the good ol’ Ford Motor Company issued a recall on more than 700,000 vehicles here in the US for a fairly simple but pretty valid reason: the backup cameras can show distorted images or simply go dark. Once again, for the people in the back: the backup cameras, which have one job, showing you what’s behind you in...
2021 Ram TRX: The Perfect Truck for People Who Work Part-Time Jobs But Make Full-Time Salaries i.e., Teachers
It has long been known that teachers enjoy one of the cushiest jobs in the world. They work 8-9 months out of the year and rake in full-time salaries that in some states can approach $100,000. But teachers have proven they are not content with getting only 3-4 months off per year and have seized upon these uncertain times...
Why the New Kia Sorento Will Shock (or Terrify) You
The all-new 2021 Kia Sorento isn't your ordinary mid-size SUV. It's actually the most extraordinary, unusual, possibly strange mid-size crossover to hit the market since the first of its kind was unearthed at an ancient archeological site dating to 1016 AD. What makes the latest Kia Sorento the most daring, frightening car ever made? It could be its illusion...
People’s Choice: The Cadillac XT6 or Buick Enclave?
Listen up, you misbegotten collection of ill-tempered household pets, freeway wanderers, and mind-swapped war criminals in the bodies of potted plants. (Yes, I know my audience – we have all this data for a reason). But seriously, listen up; I’m about to share something important with the lot of you. I’ve put in the time, I’ve done the research,...
Lessons Learned in the Auto Industry
I’ve been working in and writing about the auto industry for decades now and being in this game for so long, I’ve learned quite a lot. Perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned to listen to the refined wisdom that one can hear and enjoy at a car dealership. I was recently at a Chevy dealer in Norfolk and had a...
Car Care Vol. 7: Changing Your Car’s Fluids
Ladies and gentlemen, you can stop sending in letters and emails requesting I do this because I’ve heard your pleas and chosen to answer your prayers with another installment of my 946-part series on proper car maintenance. My editors have requested I provide you with the latest and most crucial auto news, but I have no time for that....
I Hate the Chevy Trax, and You Should Too!
Ladies and gentlemen, if it pleases this eminent council, I’d like to present you now with a less-than-comprehensive, but no-less compelling argument regarding the sheer lack of quality one might find throughout the rancid, mechanical carcass of the 2021 Chevy Trax. I do not wish to waste the time of this hallowed institution, nor that of the notable and...
It’s A Car! No, It’s A She-Shed!
What if we took two perfectly innocent and respectable SUVs, the 2020 Chevy Equinox vs 2020 Hyundai Santa Fe, and assigned them even more important jobs than they already have? By important jobs, I mean morphing into more than just transportation. I mean, we’re dropping roughly $30k for a friggin’ SUV. Should it not work for us and our...
Boddums Up: The 2020 Jeep Compass Conundrum
Good day readers, I’ve got a treat for you. You see, I’ve become something of a celebrity over the last few months as my articles and insider news have spread across the weird wavelengths of the Internet. As such, I’ve started getting fan letters from some of you, with all kinds of useful information and requests for insight on...
