Three Secrets of the All-New 2024 Chevy Traverse
Friends, allow me to start by saying something controversial: This is not the only automotive news website on the Internet. I know, I know, I was shocked to discover this too. And yet, as I looked at a number of other websites and the supposed journalism that they provide, I was dismayed and confused by what I discovered. Time...
Automotive Writer Has Emotional Breakdown After Being Bombarded With Vehicle Ads
BOSTON, Mass. — For much of the vehicle-buying public, the information they're presented about new models comes from freelance writers contracted by the automotive industry. They work hard to present this information in a way that excites and interests the average consumer.
But the pressure has been building for Jermaine Richter, who writes close to forty articles a month, and...
Ford Abandons New Environmental Initiatives, Claims Climate Change Is “Hoax”
DETROIT, MI — For over 100 years, Ford has symbolized American ingenuity and innovation. From its role in ushering in the golden age of the muscle car to being a major player in the rise in popularity of the SUV, your local Ford dealer has been able to withstand the many cultural changes that have occurred throughout the years,...
Chevy Introduces “Warped Tour” Edition of the Chevy Equinox to Target Millennial Drivers.
In the highly competitive world of the automotive marketplace, there’s no shortage of tactics and strategies to grasp onto the demographic of the millennial driver. With the average Chevy dealer not holding much interest to the younger generation, especially with Tesla models being the newest symbol of status and opulence, the bow-tie brand has announced a new version of...
Let’s Get Political and Kick(s) a Renegade
Alright, you cud-chewing sons o’ bitches, I’m here to give you that spicy political content you’ve been looking for. Yeah, I know, this is a car website about, by, and for cars (yes, all content here is written and edited by cars). What does politics have to do with it? Well, I could say that life is political, that...
Kevin Spacey Accused of Taking Ford F-150 for Test Drive Without Consent
Hollywood, CA— To say that actor Kevin Spacey has had a fall from grace in light of the accusations made against him a few years ago would certainly be accurate. Spacey, who was once known for his performances in The Usual Suspects, American Beauty, and the Netflix Series House of Cards, was just one of many prominent figures who...
Gen X-er Still Insists Geo Metro Was Best Vehicle Ever Designed
RAVENNA, Ohio — A new model year always brings a lot of excitement to those in the market for a new vehicle. Across the industry, consumers are waiting with bated breath for new releases from our most legendary automakers.
At Cornell Chevrolet, the sales staff has eagerly awaited the 2024 Chevy Silverado 1500 and its fully electrified counterpart, the Chevy...
Ford Raises Prices to Cut Prices to Raise Prices to Cut
There are some people who will tell you that time is a linear series of events, happening only in a straight line, uninterrupted, from beginning to end. Others take a bolder, or perhaps more cowardly, approach and believe that time is cyclical, that whatever has happened will happen again at some point in the future, repeating over and over...
Survey Says: Subaru Drivers Are Truly the Worst
Auto insurance companies are blood-sucking monsters, hungry for our hard-earned cash while refusing to ever pay for damages. That being said, even a monster can be helpful every now and again. The Count helped us all learn how to wear a cape, while my man Cookie Monster taught me that it’s best to never share or swallow cookies. Even...
#LoveWins as Florida Man Weds Chevy Truck in Local Ceremony
Every June, we recognize the LGBTQ community during Pride Month. Whether it’s a show of solidarity or a pledge to protect the rights and freedom they deserve and are entitled to, we’re all expected to stand in union with the people of this community. And while the #LoveWins hashtag is certainly present at this time of year all over...
Trump’s Mechanic Indicted for Inciting People to Get Unnecessary Vehicle Repairs
Washington D.C.—The recent indictment of former president Donald Trump has been some of the most divisive news to arrive in quite some time. Many of his supporters have wasted no time in expressing their outrage and making claims of another conspiracy, while his detractors are welcoming the news with enthusiasm after four long years of the dangerous flirtation with...
Trump Shows “Loyalty” to American Products in a Self-Made Toyota Commercial
If you’re currently deciding between the 2023 Toyota Highlander vs 2023 Honda Pilot, you should probably know that Donald Trump has plans to increasingly limit any vehicles or products not made in the U.S. in order to make America dumb again… uh, we mean, broke again… great again! That’s it.
That’s right, the former President has vowed that if he...
The Best Used Car, SUV, and Truck on the Market
There was a time, long ago when I was a younger man and in another country, when I considered myself something of a savvy merchant, a real wheeler and dealer within the auto industry. I made a habit of (and a fortune from) finding pre-owned vehicles that were in far better condition than they appeared, true diamonds in the...
3 Things You Didn’t Know About the Honda Pilot
I’m sure you know that the 2023 Honda Pilot is a three-row SUV with impressive performance and towing capabilities. But did you know that it has luxurious interior options and is a surprisingly delicate kisser? These are the kinds of specific and intimate details that you need to learn about a vehicle before you go looking for a Honda...
1994 Ford Explorer Now Identifies as 2024 Chevy Equinox
COLUMBIA, TN — In today's world of increased awareness regarding gender identity and dysphoria, we've learned to become more tolerant and understanding of queer people and their right to exist. Great strides have been made as we've come to accept that others are entitled to live their life without fear of reprisal—just the same as the rest of us.
Normalization...
People Are Charging Their Electric Vehicles at Starbucks
Starbucks has traditionally had an issue with people buying one cup of coffee, and then hogging the wall outlets for their laptops and iPads for half a day. But recently, the coffee chain is finding that their outlets are occupied by a very different device, a vehicle. Because people can charge their Kia EV6 in a standard 110-volt three-prong...
New 2024 Chevy Trax Promises To Be “Blatantly Worse” Than 2022 Chevy Trax
In a bizarre press announcement, Chevrolet has announced that their new 2024 Chevy Trax will be purposefully inferior to the 2022 model of the same line. "We know drivers are sick and tired of their cars improving every year," said Chevy CEO Mary Barra. "We decided to apply our classic Chevy innovation in reverse, and so the new 2024...
Four Signs That a Car Dealership Is Trying to Kill You
Allow me to paint you a picture: You want to buy a car for cheap, so you look online for folks selling their vehicles in your area. After a bit of searching, you find something that will work for you, contact the seller, agree on a price after a bit of back-and-forth, and everything seems good. You go to...
Chevy Blazes a Trail With Its Iconic SUV
If you’re looking for a Chevy Trailblazer for sale right now, then you might think you already know everything there is to know about this small SUV. Well then, why don’t you write this article if you’re so smart, huh? Go ahead and tell everyone about how Chevy has evolved this vehicle across several different names, including the original...
Chevy Introduces Three New Silverado Trims
If you have even a passing interest in the auto industry, you already know there's a perpetual battle going on to see who can make the most powerful and hardest-working truck. In particular, the three major players in full-size trucks are the Ford F-150, the Ram 1500, and the Chevy Silverado 1500. Each year, these three models vie for...
