Why Jeep Should Reconsider The Term All-Terrain
As brands and companies fall victim to marketing missteps and downright tone-deafness, there is a single brand that continues to operate unabetted by angry Twitter profiles and celebrity personalities alike, Jeep. Yes, we mean the beloved car manufacture known best for their development of vehicles that are intended to symbolize the ultimate freedom, freedom from the road. But what...
Our Case for Why Auto Manufacturers Should Start Developing Spaceships
Change is constant, no matter how you spin it. While you can fight the perpetual march of time and innovation, chances are you’ll be left in the dust like Mercury, AMC, and Pontiac. Sure, you can stay ahead of the curve by developing hybrid models, or spunky little compact SUVs, but these are small fish here; what automakers should...
Which Cadillac SUV can Fit the Most Dead Hookers?
A wise man once said to me, “There are three things you should always do before you buy a car: you should kick its tires, you should check where it was parked for leaks, and you should know how many dead bodies it can fit.” Those are the kind of words I live by, not only as a professional...
The All New Chevy Hyper-Duty 6800 Macho Commando Pickup Truck
Shopping for a new pickup truck, but unimpressed with the selection? Well, you're not alone, sure there may be plenty of pickup models out there, but few really tip the scales in power. It's the same old same old wherever you go from Ford to Toyota, pickup trucks with a horsepower rating still in the triple digits, and a...
Exposé: Hybridization and the Loss of Humanity
The other morning, as I was having my traditional breakfast of chocolate cake served on a bed of squid-ink fettuccine, a thought occurred to me. This is not unusual, of course, thoughts occur to me all the time. At this very moment, for example, a part of my brain is screaming at me, “Why are you doing this? Go...
How to Incorporate Chevy Trucks into Your Next D&D Game Night
If there’s one thing I know, it’s this: the Venn diagram depicting truck enthusiasts and tabletop gamers is a perfect circle! We’ve all played games like “Lost Journey to Detroit” and the classic “Secret Caverns of Ford” (now, sadly, out of print), and had a lot of fun. But if you’re anything like me (and let’s hope you’re not),...
Ford Begins Manufacturing Masks for 2020 Ford Expedition
In an attempt to boost sluggish sales, stop climate change, and appease the snowflake liberal media in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, Ford Motor Company announced earlier this week that it had begun manufacturing masks for the 2020 Ford Expedition and several other Ford models.
The move came as a surprise to many who were unaware that vehicles such...
“Nuts!” – Brigadier General McAuliffe; Dec. 22, 1944
I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from the extensive data we collect from you every time you visit our site, it’s this: you’re a squirrel. That’s right, based on our analytics, thorough metrics, and market research we have on file, 80-90% of my readership consists of squirrels. So today, I’m...
Edge vs Murano: Settling the Debate
I can’t think of a more hotly contested, embittered, and contentious rivalry in the entirety of the auto industry than that of the Ford Edge and the Nissan Murano. When you look at the 2020 Ford Edge vs 2020 Nissan Murano, specifically, you can really see how this conflict has informed the decisions of their respective engineers in designing...
Social Distancing On the Go!
The auto industry is a complicated place. For one thing, it’s not really a place; so much as it’s a collection of businesses, each competing with each other while also working together in secret to ensure none of them surpass the others by an unreasonable degree. That’s why, when you look at a couple of vehicles like the 2020...
Uncertain Times Call for Uncertain Measures
In these uncertain times, there’s a fair amount of comfort to be found in the familiar and logical, which often leaves the new and bizarre confronted with a wall of incredulous anger. It is into this whirling cataract of confusion that Ford has announced what I would argue is likely to be the most important and innovative vehicle of...
How to Turn Your Pickup Truck into Your Own Socially Isolated Swimming Pool
Yes, it’s that time of the year again, when temperatures reach triple digits and a great number of beachgoers realize that they should’ve spent more time working on their summer bod. 2020 is different, though, as this year is the year of the virus. With public pools shuttered and beaches kind of open but mostly closed, it is clear...
How to Tell if Your Jeep is Plotting to Kill You
Friends, (I’m not your friend, but I’m starting this article this way so you feel like I can relate to you – rather than realizing this is being produced as a result of 17 algorithms designed to monitor online traffic and produce content that you’ll consume like the adoring servant we want you to be), I’m sure you’ve seen...
2021 Kia Soul EV: Necromancy Meets Technomancy
If you know anything about the auto industry, then you should know this: long has it been entrenched in the dark arts of sorcery and witchcraft. The internal combustion engine is, after all, nothing more than the inevitable evolution of the ancient bubbling pot of herbs and ingredients used in the most arcane of eldritch arts. And so it...
GMC Launches Rival to Space-X Program
Once again, in our history, the space race is heating up. With multiple private and public enterprises diving onto the space exploration bandwagon, GMC is officially trading in its all-American overalls for a futuristic space suit and edgy new approach to doing business. Gone are the days when new GMC trucks for sale made headlines for the company. Now...
Vitally Important Recall Information
This is an urgent announcement with vitally important recall information for all vehicles. That’s right – this is not limited to just one manufacturer or model. Every single vehicle built in the last 30 years has a terrifying flaw that can result in catastrophic or fatal injury if not adequately addressed. Fortunately, repairing this issue is remarkably simple, so...
Auto Industry Looks to Video Games for Innovation
Fun fact: the video game industry makes more money than all other forms of entertainment. Combined. Movies, music, television – they have nothing on the kind of profits that video games demand from their players. The other industries out there aren’t blind to this fact, however, and they are looking at video games to see how they can boost...
Selling a Car in the End Times
As the world lovingly crumbles around us, it’s a buyer’s market out there folks – a seller’s market too if you have the right items. Used car dealerships continue to want to not only sell vehicles to you, but they also want you to sell them your cars so they can turn those around to sell later. They are...
Atlanta is Changing the Auto Industry
Big things are happening in Atlanta, and the auto industry is changing forever in an effort to keep up with these remarkable events. It’s no surprise, considering the population of Atlanta is nearly half a million people, many of them licensed drivers with a need for reliable vehicles. While these changes have been most pronounced at Buick dealers in...
I Want to See Animals Driving the Ford EcoSport
Friends, the 2020 Ford EcoSport is a hell of an SUV. It has four tires, good strong tires that really connect to the road thanks to the Earth getting in the way of gravity doing what it does. There’s an engine in there, some kind of mechanism that produces energy and distributes it to those amazing tires I mentioned...
