Ben Franklin, Schwarzenegger & Cocaine Praised for Chevy’s Hybrid / EV Lineup
The process of naming a vehicle, or family of vehicles, will always differ based on the philosophy of the automaker. Economy automakers might aim to evoke a sense of grand adventure or scale to generate excitement about their offerings. Elitist performance brands might prefer an alphanumeric approach, asserting their newest models is the latest and greatest in their lineage...
2019 Buick Enclave: Official Vehicle of Pre-Menopausal Consumer B*tches From Hell
Judging by the Chevy lineup alone, General Motors is keen to make their expansive awards known to the car-buying community-at-large. And yet, some divisions go largely uncelebrated. Take Buick, for example, which seems almost completely forgotten by a majority of Millennial, Gen-Y and Z car-buyers. But building upon the momentum of a recent award, Buick hopes to reinvigorate their...
Local Corvette Dealer Helps Ed Hardy to Liquidate Slow-Moving Inventory
Culver City, CA - From the Grand Sport to the Z06, and even the chart-topping ZR1, if you’re interested in acquiring a 2019 Chevrolet Corvette one thing is for certain: you’re about to lay down some coin. Buying new, you can plan to spend over $50K for a Corvette and, depending on the model, configuration and features it becomes...
When “DODGE the Father, RAM the Daughter” Goes Horribly Wrong
Sacramento, CA - If you’re spending any amount of time or resources shopping trucks for sale, several automakers including (but not limited to) Ford, Chevy and GMC are doubling down on their offerings on the heels of a well-publicized tragedy that hits FCA’s RAM lineup a little too close to home.
As most of us know, brand loyalties among truck...
Maserati & Aquaman Credited for Recent Spike in Trident Sales
It was the first week in October when social media went abuzz with widespread sharing of the second trailer for James Wan’s Aquaman, after it was presented at New York Comic Con. The extended trailer (which runs over five minutes in length) gives us a look at Jason Momoa’s titular hero, framed within such iconic landscapes as the rocky...
L.A. Legal Battle Erupts Between Dealership and Gentlemen’s Club
Los-Angeles, CA - Los Angeles Dodge dealerships are finding themselves the unintentional victim in a legal battle waging between the badass automaker that they're franchisees of, and a place where a crumpled dollar bill can score you a look at a nipple.
When Dodge, the Fiat-Chrysler owned automaker (whose performance pedigree need-not-be-questioned-here) chose to reassert its longstanding reputation for a...
High-End Matchmaking Services are Making “Certified Pre-Owned Spouses” a Thing
In today’s day-and-age, it seems that a successful business acumen has little to do with picking one area of focus and performing well in that particular area. The desire for growth, expansion and synergy-fueled cross-marketing opportunities have made it tempting for major corporations and their subsidiaries to dip their toes in the proverbial pools of both neighbors and strangers...
GMC Canyon Challenges Honda Ridgeline for “Last to Be Picked in Gym Class”
Bethesda, MD - Do you own a 2019 GMC Canyon? Chevy Suburban? Expedition? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, love the ample passenger and cargo space, and have zero shame, you might be exactly what the Bethesda Motors Group is looking for.
A local high school has partnered with the family of car dealerships to create what...
Why the 2019 Ford Ecosport is a Game-Changer in Treating Clinical Mediocrity
Having just been introduced to the U.S market over a year ago, the 2019 Ford Ecosport may not have a lot of mileage behind it but (according to Ford insiders) it’s about to become the indistinguishable billboard of many Americans who are a ‘little further along’ in their respective life journeys.
Since 1965, psychodynamic theory has lent weight to the...
Bugatti Considering SUV (And in related story, Would Demi Lovato Date a ‘Dad-Bod’?)
When Monday morning rolls around in the office, and someone asks me how my weekend was, they’re probably expecting small-talk about work I got done around the house or how my 13-year old daughter fared in her cheerleading competition. But my arrival in recent weeks have come complete with an added skip in my step, with who else to...
Family Full of Douchebags? Test Drive a Chevy Suburban Today!
According to industry insiders, General Motors has come under fire for recent marketing initiatives built around the 2019 Chevy Suburban. With a starting price point of $50,600 MSRP it seems reasonable that Chevy would build a campaign that targeted the upper-middle class demographic most likely to purchase the Suburban. However, the increasing influence of democratic socialist ideals upon younger...
Increase in Used SUV Sales Linked to Increase in Abductions
Whether you’re exploring makes, models, model years, trim levels or body styles the simple fact is that there’s some sort of audience for each and every vehicle on the road. Selecting that perfect vehicle means finding the one that fits organically with your lifestyle, budget and (yes) personal image. Failure to do so is the equivalent of a seven-foot...
Chevy Presents 2019 SUV Lineup (aka “Billings’ Last Stand”)
Detroit, MI - As recently reported by The Lemon, the marketing team at General Motors has had a rough go of things as of late. Looking to reinvigorate their initiatives to reflect the evolving expectations of Generation Y and Z car-buyers, GM decided to bring Josh Billings onboard, to ‘shake things up’. Branded as some sort of a ‘marketing...
Want to Look “Well-Off” Without any Risk of Sexual Impropriety?
In this era of pursuant equality, political disparity and never-ending coverage of ‘He Said / She Said’ hearings related to sexual impropriety the world has never felt so divided. Fortunately, the majority of us have the daily opportunity to set aside our ‘big picture cynicism’ and focus on the strength, loyalty and support offered by our own personal relationships....
BUMBLEBEE to Introduce Controversial “Non-PC” Transformer (for “Era Accuracy”)
This Christmas, Paramount Pictures releases the newest chapter in the Transformers film franchise in the form of BUMBLEBEE, a prequel centered around the breakout star of Michael Bay’s blockbuster series.
Beginning with 2007 TRANSFORMERS, the series quickly reached beloved status in the eyes of its target demographics: young children and adults who grew up with the 80’s Hasbro toys and...
THIS is the #1 Thing Men Look For in a Woman (& You’ll Never Believe It!)
“Consequence-Free Sex”.
Isn’t that refreshing, in a world of clickbait articles? Leave it to The Lemon to cut right to the chase and give you the answer that you already know, leaving us to question why you would bother to open the article at all. That said, we can only assume you’re now wondering what the #2 Thing is that...
Ford Seatbelt Recall to Blame for Rise in Vigilante Crimefighters?
Washington, D.C. - In an unprecedented show of bipartisan cooperation, Capitol Hill lawmakers joined together today, to discuss the recall of nearly 2 million Ford trucks. The reason for the recall? A defect in the design of the safety belts, capable of triggering deadly vehicle fires. Expected to cost the automaker as much as $140 million, it’s the latest...
GMC Terrain Named “Best Personality” of 2018 Graduating Class
At the risk of downplaying serious concerns, High School Superlatives can be a funny thing.
Sometimes known as the “Class Oscars” the informal awards process is intended to highlight notable characteristics of the outgoing senior class. From “Most Likely to Succeed” to “Most Athletic”, schools around the country embrace such recognition as a means of setting the elite apart from...
Chevy Erects Their New Campaign (& Pfizer Throbs Rigidly with Anger)
Detroit, MI - The Lemon recently reported on GM’s highly-publicized acquisition of Josh Billings as their new creative marketing director. Garnering wide disdain for his attempt to cross-market the 2019 Chevy Malibu with Malibu Caribbean Rum (a move which many felt encouraged drinking and driving) Billings still had two other projects by which to prove himself in the eyes...
Use of GMC Terrain Banned by Undercover Narcotics Division
Editor’s Note: To protect the innocent, and to preserve the integrity of pending police investigations, all names included in the following article have been altered.
Manchester, NH - Meet Matt White. Despite the state-issued ID which sits in his wallet, bearing his visage and the same name and billing information as the assortment of debit and credit cards that accompany...