Maserati Halts Production, Cites Vehicles’ “Sexiness”
Several months ago, a devastating crash in Detroit resulted in life-changing injuries to several “women of the night.” In an odd twist of events, Maserati was blamed for the collision… and these allegations means you’ll no longer be able to visit a Maserati dealership in New York…
In an unprecedented move, Maserati has decided to end production on all of...
Exclusive Look at the Failed iJeep
Back in the days, before the iWatch, iPhone, and iPod, Apple was teaming up with a renowned car manufacturer to producer an innovative and futuristic vehicle. In documents acquired exclusively by The Lemon, Apple founder Steve Jobs was reportedly working on an “iJeep,” an SUV that was intended to revolutionize not just the segment, but the entire automotive industry.
Even...
Four Vicious Car Reviews That Leave No Survivors
If you’re like me, you scour the internet for cringe-worthy content. If that’s the case, wait until you get a load of the cruelest car reviews of all time! Many of these pundits aren’t afraid to attack any aspect of a car, and one of these online reviews even led to a writer losing his job! While this information...
The Wrong Way To ‘Arrange’ Auto Loan Financing
Phone in-hand, I was just about to research a car loan on Google, when I was interrupted by a knock on my door. Placing my phone down the arm of my couch, I told my 11-year old daughter that I’d be right back, and made my way to front hall.
Opening the door, you can imagine my surprise at finding...
Local Parent’s Suffer Extreme Buyer’s Remorse After Choosing Wrong Car
Lately there have been many reports of extreme buyer’s remorse sweeping the nation - in fact, Buyer’s Remorse is reaching near-pandemic levels among car shoppers. The ailment seems to be primarily afflicting middle-aged parents who are forced to decide between SUV’s that seem similar on paper, but are actually vastly different in person. We’ve decided to speak on-the-record to...
5 Must-Have Used Cars from Craig’s List
It’s a story as old as time.
John Q. American is looking through used cars trying to find the perfect vehicle. Maybe it’s for his own use. Perhaps it’s a second vehicle for the household. It might even be for his licensed child.The first step is finding that diamond in the rough, the proverbial ‘needle-in-the-haystack’ that will bring happiness out...
The Difference Between ‘Bucket List’ and ‘F*ck-It List’
Throughout August, Americans raced to their favorite convenience and package stores, to secure their chance to win (what would become) a record-setting $758.7 million Powerball drawing. The winner would be a resident of Chicopee MA, who beat odds of 292.2 million to one, to become the sole winner of the life-changing jackpot.
The morning after the drawing would bring an...
Toyota Wants You to Treat Your Vehicle Nicely
We’ve seen vehicles that include concierge services, automatic crash response systems, and even autonomous driving. Now, Toyota is revolutionizing the industry by engineering trucks that have “feelings.”
In a set of documents that were exclusively acquired by The Lemon, it was revealed that several upcoming Toyota trucks will include the brand’s unique “Emotional Feeling” functions. After years of seeing customers...
The Gassed & Injurious
Like many Americans, Frank Topomi suddenly found himself in need of a new vehicle. Unfortunately for Frank, it was just days away from his wedding to (then) girlfriend Theresa Kumon. With dozens of friends and family members due to arrive, and fine-tuning required for the rehearsal dinner, car shopping was the last burden that either of them wanted to...
What’s in a Name?
Disclaimer: I’m not saying you HAVE to be high to do this (but it helps).
At some point, or another, most of us have passed a minute or two of our lives performing a certain simple exercise. Repeating a word, even the simplest of words, over and over again until it no longer makes any sense. No seriously, pick a...
Competitors Conspire to Make the Mazda SUV Their Bitch
In 2017, no-one likes a bully…
Unless, of course, you’re a bully with genuine self-confidence, then there’s a good chance that you feel pretty good about yourself. Lack of self-loathing aside, bullies now find themselves locked within the cross-hairs of society’s loaded gun. With the masses growing less and less tolerant of any individuals or group that targets a weaker...
Car Accessories You’ll Need for the Zombie Apocalypse
Right now, zombies are clearly all the rage, as you seemingly can’t change the channel without seeing an undead person stumbling across the screen. However, I don’t think these television executives and producers are necessarily giving in to public demand. Rather, I think they’re trying to warn us and prepare us for the impending zombie apocalypse.
Well, I couldn’t stand...
Chevy Producing Orange-Fueled Cars
We recently learned that Britain would be banning the sale of new gasoline and diesel cars by the year 2040. While the government is seemingly assuming that consumers will opt for electric or hybrid cars, Chevy is already working on a different type of engine…and this new innovation could ultimately influence the entire automotive industry. This will be an...
What Post-Divorce Dating Could Learn From Certified Pre-Owned Programs
When shopping for your next vehicle, you tend to decide upfront whether you’re looking for something brand new, and shiny with all the coolest new features - or if you’re in the market for something a little more broken in, with some mileage on it. If you’re opting for the latter, it’s always nice when you can get some...
Google Takes a Dump
Oh, Google…you presumptuous bitch.
Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what I’m talking about. You type a word or two into the search bar, and Google starts suggesting any number of options which may, or may not, have anything to do with your query. In fact some of Google’s suggestions are so downright bizarre, that the phenomenon has launched...
Chevy Asks Stay-At-Home Dads to Design SUVs
If you go on to any car brand’s press website, you’ll quickly see a list of articles that tout the company’s recent design contests. Often times, the participants are students and future engineers who are looking to put yet another accolade on their college resume. On the flip side, the brand benefits by having these young geniuses generate clever,...
Just a Gigolo…for a BMW
For the average person, there are two stages to any kind of exorbitant purchase. The first stage involves looking into the top of the line version, admiring it for everything that it is, and accepting that it is way outside of your budget. The second means deciding whatever version you can ultimately afford (re: settle for).
Searching through BMWs is...
Is Alfa Romeo “Too Old For This Shit?”
From celebrities to technologies, religion to global brands, nearly every commercial property in today’s world faces the singular and shared challenge of remaining relevant.
Even properties that have bolstered a solid foundation of consumer trust need to keep up with the times. Engagement is key, with social media providing a perfect forum for brands to interact with their customers outside...
Ugh. I Can’t Believe I’m Comparing The 2017 Nissan Rogue vs. 2017 Chevy Equinox
Reassuring myself that I have at least one reader (aside from my Editor) you may have seen my recent expose, comparing the 2017 Honda CR-V vs the 2017 Ford Edge. No sooner had I choked down my vomit and embraced the epiphany that I’m just not a “Crossover / SUV Guy,” I was asked to compare the 2017 Nissan...
The Importance (of Chris Farley In) Buying a Used Car
Let me preface this article by sharing my personal belief that anyone considering a used car should include Certified Pre Owned cars in their decision-making process. You can disagree, but let me break it to you gently. You’re wrong. Sure, your final decision is a personal one and should reflect your preferences and the unique demands of your lifestyle,...
